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(#Feminism, guys.) Huff Post's article chronicling the history of personal dating ads notes that in the late 1800s, when it was starting to become more socially acceptable to take out these ads, the first ever scammers and catfishers hit the scene.

Which kind of breaks my heart, because if my one true star-spangled love up there is a phony my little damsel heart shall break.

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For the better portion of my 20s, I’ve been single.

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"Once, when I appeared on a magazine cover, Margie snapped up six copies and the cashier asked if she was my mother."Following a stint in rehab for alcoholism, Van Dyke found himself confiding in agent's secretary, Michelle Triola, eventually embarking on an affair that would end his marriage. Michelle, whom Van Dyke stayed with for 35 years, died of lung cancer a year later.

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To make yourself an idea of what awaits you (and in case you fell for the "INSTALL GENTOO" maymay): on a 2014 mid-end quad core laptop CPU with 8 GB of RAM, setting up the minimum system (the stage-3 tarball Portage snapshot) will take you about an hour, compiling the kernel an hour and a half (assuming you're cheating with instead of undertaking a manual compilation and fixing an endless series of kernel panics), finishing your basic installation another hour, installing the graphical interface at least 2 hours (because the GUI is an optional component in Gentoo), and installing Google Chrome or Firefox at least 2 hours each while the entire software compiles from source code.

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And a message that seals the deal on the trifecta of feeling hopeless: "Wussup babe.

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