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But I wasn’t really attracted to her in person, so I said no.”Onuki is a rarity in Japan: Somebody who will openly discuss meeting romantic partners online.On a recent trip there, I often asked people if they or their friends were involved with web dating, and time and again they shook their heads.Widening their eyes, they blushed, as if I’d said something dirty and controversial.It’s a bit of a mystery: Japanese dating sites–known as deaikei–are numerous and thriving, with apps like Pairs, Match Alarm, Niku Kai, and Yahoo Omiai attracting growing numbers of fans.Onuki was 15 when he had his first experience with online dating, getting together with a girl who he’d met on a gaming site. “We met at a coffee shop, and right away she started talking about sex. “She actually messaged me first,” says the software engineer, who’s now 23 and working at a web startup in Tokyo [names of daters in this piece have been changed to protect their privacy].In other cultures, group dating is becoming more popular as a safe alternative to single dating (especially blind dating), also helping to ease tension, because both parties will feel more comfortable having the company of their friends.

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Japan and the United States have different views of dating and marriage. Marriage has a long history in Japan, a history that is based on gender roles influenced heavily by Confucian views. If you want to learn more about gender role expectations in Japan, gender roles of women, and how China’s Confucius has even influenced anime, follow these links. The rules of dating, courtship, vary across cultures. There are a few key ideas that are identical to dating in Japan and in the United States.The term gōkon comes from the Japanese words konpa (a party for members of a single group, class, or club) and gōdō ("together", "combination").Generally speaking, gōkon are not primarily intended to result in one-night stands (something more associated with nanpa), but rather for making friends and possibly forming long-term relationships.The country is in the middle of something of a sex crisis.Its birthrate is among the lowest on earth, and the number of marriages is in decline.




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